The Good With The Bad

This started as a facebook status, but then it was too long and still didn't really give the stories justice!  So I thought this was better.  Our Sundays are really hecktic with church being at 1.  It's usually naptime for both of my boys, Trae isn't old enough for nursery (but does better than most 18 month olds), and both Derrick and I have callings where we teach.  It can get really stressful.

And granted, it still had it's usual stress (I have officially given up completely of even attempting going to Sunday School... Trae escapes and runs back to cry at the nursery door as often as he can), we had some pretty funny moments.

Before church, Aaron saw me in a dress and kept saying "Mommy princess. Mommy princess."  TOTALLY made my morning!  I don't even really know where he learned about princesses, but it was super cute to hear from him.

Then we were late for church.  Aaron was lagging behind as usual walking into the church.  We turned right to sit in the back.  When Aaron walked in, the turned left and started heading up to where we usually sit.  He looked at each row trying to find us, all the while I am trying to get his attention from the back.  He walked to nearly the front when another family coming in passed him.  He decided to just follow and sit with them!  He just blended in with their kids and took a seat in the middle of their bench.  It was so hard to not laugh (as the meeting had already started) as I walked from the most back seat all the way to the second row from the front to pick him up, as the mom in the family was looking around wondering what had happened.  It was pretty funny.

Later Aaron was playing with two cars.  Trae has been learning how to be aggressive and actually take things from Aaron.  (Up until maybe a week or two ago, it's always been the other way around.)  Aaron put his car down for a whopping second and Trae immediately picked it up super fast and then booked it running towards the front of the chapel.  It took me a second or two to even process what exactly happened because it was so out of the blue and fast!  Trae even made it to the front by the time Derrick got up and chased him down.

I think it is safe to say that my boys entertained a few families today.  And sadly, I still couldn't tell you what either of the speakers' messages were.  Gotta love being a parent.  You can sit through an entire hour and not hear a thing.

Lots of Wedding Bells

I don't know how many of you know my family but I have 4 siblings, making 5 of us kids total.  We are all really close in age and therefore I thought pretty much everyone would be in the same phase of life always.  Well... I was wrong.  Apparently I missed the memo and jumped on the marriage and parent wagon much sooner than everyone else. (Which I didn't think would happen as I was 21 when I got married and thought both of my sisters would marry younger...)  But the rest of the siblings passed the memo among themselves and 3 siblings got married in less than 3 months apart from each other!

The first was my youngest sister McKenzie.  She got married December 14 to Mr. Casey Neville.  Funny thing about Casey is the rest of the siblings (except Tyson) previously knew Casey from high school.  So now looking at how we each have our stories of knowing him, he is the new brother-in-law.  They got married in the Brigham City Temple, had a lovely luncheon at Ruby River in Riverdale, and their reception at the same church Derrick and I actually had ours.  It was a lovely day except for the fact my two little ones were very sick, tired, and insanely cranky.  We didn't get one single happy picture of Aaron.  And Derrick ended up taking them home early as Aaron screaming and crying almost the whole time was sure putting a damper on the reception.  But it was a lovely and exciting day!

The next was my other younger sister Candice.  She met and fell in love with First Lieutenant John Steger in New York and married him in the Draper Temple on January 2.  We didn't get to see these two near long enough (as they live so far away), but they are an adorable couple that just mush really well together.  Since they got married on short notice (Army life is hard to get time away from) they did a luncheon that day at the golf course nearby and are planning a reception for October.  Their luncheon was GORGEOUS and it was fun to meet John's family.  I loved all of the roses. :)

The third of these weddings was my older brother Tyson.  He's has been dating his girl the longest (dating longer than any of the above even knew their significant other) and definitely knows she is the best for him.  Shelli Barney is just the cutest redhead you will ever meet and I am so excited to have her as a sister.  They also got married in the Draper Temple on March 2.  The luncheon in Layton afterwards was really fun as family members shared funny stories of the happy couple (sounds like these two have always had similar personalities). Their reception was at Chantilly Mansion and was just beautiful.  I am so excited for you Tyson!!  He is so happy and just moved closer to home!  Yeah!

So then there was one sibling left.  My brother Taylor is currently serving a mission in West Virginia.  So he has completely missed all of the action going on out here, but it's for a very good cause.  And he will get to have every sibling at his wedding. That will be a fun day. :)  Just one more year to go!

The Basement!! (& a bedroom)

If you are friends with me on facebook, I am sure that you have noticed an explosion of posts about redoing our basement.  It's taken up all of our free time, the rest of the house has been left in absolute shambles (as the normal cleaning doesn't even get done), and thank goodness I have church and young womens as those make me take a shower. (Gross I know, but the truth.)

It all started with a quick run to check out RC Willey.  We like to go there and just walk around, looking at ideas of decorating and furniture we like for the future.  We stopped by carpet... saw a good deal... and bought it on the spot.  (Well, ordered it.  You don't pay for it until they measure to double check how much you need.)

When we bought the house, the basement Living Room was carpet-less.  You can tell there was carpet at one point, but we know they had water issues (and should now be fixed... we haven't had any sign of leakage) so we assume they got rid of the carpet and just never replaced it.  So it's just cement, which is PERFECT flooring for painting the walls.  So when carpet was ordered, we decided that we really should get started on the Living Room as we hadn't even touched it prior.

First we had to move all of our junk out.  It kind of became a place to store things when we moved in, including other peoples furniture.  So we (mostly Derrick) cleared all that out.  I had previously been working on getting all of the wallpaper gone (what a bugger job!!) so I up'd my game on that.  Derrick pulled off all of the wood paneling.  And that was a mess.

They used glue instead of nails (WHY???) and the glue pulled off the dry wall.  And we also found some surprises behind the wood paneling, which made us think was the reason they put it up in the first place.  We found (dead) mold (thank goodness) and two large holes (did they throw someone into the wall??).

While figuring out how to patch these up, fix the dry wall, and what to do next we were called by RC Willey and apparently ran out of our "stalling" time (we were sure trying).  We already lost the original carpet we picked as it had run out, but they replaced it with a higher grade carpet for the same price.  But now they said we needed to order or they wouldn't hold the deal.  So we set a date and it gave us about two weeks left.  Yikes!

So everyday has been filled with putting dry wall mud on the walls in layers, sanding and washing in between, caulking TONS of cracks, priming, and painting.  It was an intense week and we cut out more rooms that we were hoping to do at the same time, but in the end we got it done!  We were priming/painting a layer each night after the kids went to bed and used our last weekend to finish base boards and move all of the furniture upstairs for carpet (we also bought carpet for the bedrooms upstairs).

And since we bought carpet for the bedrooms upstairs, it seemed stupid to not paint that room as well.  It didn't need NEAR as much work, but still had plenty of holes.  Our guess is the previous occupants kept a dart board in there.  We found one in the basement when we moved in and not really anything else explains that many tiny holes in bedroom walls.

Oy what a LOT of work!  But it's definitely worth it now that we can use our downstairs.  I am excited for the toys to mainly stay downstairs now instead of upstairs where every guest can see the mess.  Plus our playroom is downstairs so now our boys can fully utilize it!  I don't have to worry about them and tack strips!  It was hecktic having such a crunch timeline, but knowing us it probably would never get done without a date to be done by.  Here are the pics!

The lovely mural of wallpaper almost gone!

The random mtn dew bottle

What the lovely glue did to our walls!  This wall got hit the worst!

This is patching all of the little holes in the upstairs bedroom... That's so many holes!!

I tried to show just a close up of how many in such a small space.

The worst wall, but now with mud caked on.

And that wall when it's done! (The door covering our water temp thing isn't up yet)

Still working on decor and hiding wires (and should have taken a pic before toys came out) but definitely still an upgrade from that wallpaper mural!

Soon will be white doors, but this shows the trim and gray better.

And the upstairs bedroom!

Had major problems with taking off the tape in this room, so left the ceiling tape until we get around to fixing the paint that tore off.  (So frustrating!!  But at least it won't take long.  Will do this when we pull out the paint again for the last bedroom needing to be painted downstairs.)

Some Things I Learned About Life

So this blog entry has been in my head for a while.  I am REALLY (like REALLY) a private person when it comes to tough things and trials that I am going through.  I never want to sound like I am complaining or putting my problems on someone else.  So honestly, I just suffer in silence.

And then I moved into my new ward where I am absolutely FLABBERGASTED by the trials that these strong women have gone through!  I have learned so much from hearing their stories, and it didn't come across as complaining or whining.  They shared what they learned and it actually has helped me a lot, with perspective and finding my own strength.

So now this has got me rethinking the whole "keep it all to myself" plan I've always had.  And maybe I more kept it to myself because it still was really tender, where these women were able to talk about it without turning into a blubber mess.  But through learning of their strength, I have found my own and can therefore share without instantly sobbing.  And so I feel I need to share what I have learned as maybe someone can learn from my experience, just as I have learned from countless life lessons learned from the women who surround me.

Ok, onto some background to have my story make sense.  Derrick and I choose to not use birth control.  We've gotten ridicule in the past, so I am not really public with this anymore.  (And this IS NOT an attack on anyone that uses it!  It's not because we think it is evil, because we don't.  We just thought it wasn't the best for US in OUR marriage. We don't judge anyone that uses it or anything.)  We both felt that giving that choice of when to have children completely up to God was the best for our future family.  We can't forsee the future and what will happen down the road, but God does.  So we just thought putting it in His complete control would be best.

I am going to speed up the rest because it's the sad part and not what I want to focus on.  But it helps to understand where I was.  With all that being said, it's not a huge surprise Aaron came 9 months after we were married.  When he was 4 months, I became pregnant again.  (My mom had 5 kids in less than 6 years, so I was very close to all of my siblings growing.  This is what I wanted for my family too, so I wanted kids extremely close together.)  And I was excited thinking I would following my family.  But at the 12 week appointment, we found out we had lost the baby.  I carried the pregnancy until I was 14 weeks (being sick and exhausted like no other the whole time) and still ended up in the E.R. a month after that due to losing too much blood.

I was able to get back in school.  This distracted me for a few months, and then came time to try again. Shortly I became sick and exhausted beyond function yet again.  I knew I was pregnant long before I could take a test.  But I lost this baby as well.  It was really early on, so not as physically or emotionally hurtful as before but still turned the knife into me thinking that maybe I wasn't able to have anymore kids.  I was really depressed.  Like really bad.

The very next month we could still try, and yet again I became pregnant.  This time I wasn't sick or extremely tired.  So I was completely shocked to miss my period and take a positive test.  It still was hard to believe when a baby was confirmed at 8 weeks.  This baby stayed healthy (even though every single appointment is nerve racking instead of exciting) and became my darling Trae!

Four months later, I am pregnant again.  This time without a period in between.  I lost this baby at (guessing) 10-12 weeks.  Which put my due date end of March/early April.  I was DEVASTATED and fell even more deeply depressed than before (which I didn't think was possible at the time).  I guess I was more distracted with student teaching and allowing myself to have a reason of why God would have me miscarry (so I could graduate) but I had absolutely no answer for this one.  And being beyond excited at finding out these babies would be close, just to lose it.  And this one really took a toll on me physically.  I preferred to crawl than to walk and couldn't even sit up I hurt so bad.  It was really hard, and especially with two kids (one being 6 months old, crawling, and into EVERYTHING).

The next month (actually "preventing") I was pregnant yet again, to lose it just weeks later.  I wasn't close to being over the one the month before, so it didn't really affect me too much.  Just sucked physically yet again. A kick while I was down.

I wasn't even functioning and was saying things of "why me?" and "why does she get babies close together when she didn't even want them?"  and other things that just shouldn't have entered my head.  I knew so many people that were pregnant around that time, and then people announced who were due after I was, and then people due "with" me were announcing genders and I still had nothing.  Oh my goodness was I depressed.  I didn't even feel I could go any lower.  So I was feeling pretty helpless.

Then I ran into someone who is an Energy Therapist, and my mother actually recommended me to go in a LONG time ago. (Like before all of this.)  Seeing her there in front of me reminded me and I set up an appointment.

Her first question when I went in (not really knowing what I was getting into) was "What do you hope to get out of this?  Why are you here?" So naturally I mentioned I'm just coming off of my fourth miscarriage and she started from there.

Now my entire experience with her was quite spiritual and I can't share everything, but I do want to share major keys things that will forever change my life.

First of all, she helped me to learn who I am as a child of God.  She helped me reconnect with my Father in Heaven in a way I never have before.  And just like the book "You Are Special" I go to my Father in Heaven often and let Him tell me who I am.  He teaches me what I am to become.  And most of all He shows me how much He loves me and EVERYTHING, including all of this heartache, is for MY good.  It is my journey, and mine alone.  It's not like any one else's journey because they are not me.  So there is no need to compare.  He loves me for me and this is what is best for me.

Second of all, she helped me to understand the atonement in a different way.  It is so much more real and something I can use every single day.  She taught me to imagine Christ as an actual human being, living and literally beside me.  And to talk to Him.  Tell Him my fears, my dreams, my wants, my doubts, be His best friend.  And then imagine myself gathering any pain, regret, anguish, ailments, etc and put it all in one place and actually hand it over to Christ.  And then watch Him walk away with it.  Because that is who Christ is and what He wants to do... help us.  But He can't unless we truly let Him.  So I was able to let go and give Him all of this pain and fear I was having through these experiences.

And third, mostly through the first thing I learned, I was able to learn to TRULY trust my Father in Heaven with control over my life.  I wasn't before as He was giving me what I needed, but I took it so negatively and harshly.  Giving Him control (Christ held my hand through that conversation with my Dad) was a very hard thing for me to do as I do like to be in control and I like to have a plan and I get really thrown off when that plan gets botched.  But after I did this, my faith in Him and how I look at life now is so vastly different.  Everything that can and will happen, is in His control and will only help me to grow.

And so now, it honestly doesn't matter if I have anymore children.  Not that I have given up, but if that is God's plan for me I know it is best.  And I can't ask for better. :)  And if His plan is for me to have 12 children through my 40s (something I NEVER wanted), that's good too.  It doesn't matter what the plan is.  Because I know it is what is best.

The weight off of my shoulders has been amazing, as I truly needed to learn this.  I've carried garbage/self esteem issues my entire life.  But now I know more fully who I am.  And God knew these experiences are what it would take for me to learn this.  So now looking back, I am grateful and can see His hand throughout these events.  And even though I felt so lost and so alone and so unloved at the time, that's what it took me to truly stop thinking about myself and listen to what He had to say.

And these lessons can be applied to ANY trial.  It doesn't just have to be a miscarriage.  You can have complications through pregnancy, financial stress, losing a loved one, not finding your loved one, or millions of other things I can't think of on the spot.  Your Father in Heaven loves you just as much as He loves me.  If you just go and talk to Him, like you would your own dad or friend, He will tell you this.  And you can take comfort through Christ who feels your pain and knowing that what you are going through is God's best plan for you.  And one day (as it may seem impossible during the trial) you will look back and understand and actually become grateful.  That I can promise you.

Grape Juice!

Derrick's grandpa has a big garden and lots of fruit trees and every year the family gets together to make grape juice and whoever help gets to take some home.  Due to our crazy school and work schedules, we have never been able to go since we got married.  So this year we got to go!  It was my first time ever doing this and I must say it was much easier than I expected it to be.  We started out with picking the grapes.  Aaron ate this up.  He loved helping and was pretty good at it.  The grapes were then boiled to break the skin and put in a machine that squooshes them and the juice just came out in a bucket.  Later that day the grape juice was then boiled and bottled.  That's it!

Trae hung out in the pack n play while we picked grapes

Aaron helping out

Aaron was great for getting the grapes that dropped below the vine

LOTS of grapes

Washing and boiling the grapes

Aaron picked an apple with Grandma

And he hung onto that thing the rest of the time

Juice coming from the boiled grapes

My camera died at this point so I didn't get a picutre of when Aaron actually drank the juice, but he liked it.  It was really yummy and oddly really good warm.  I've never had fresh or warm grape juice before.  And maybe it was just that much better because it was cold.

Grape juice all bottled and ready to go!

After grapes were done, Derrick's grandpa pulled out his 1924 (I think that's the year...) Model T Ford.  I had no idea the thing ran, but it did!  We cruised around the neighborhood a few times in it.  It was pretty fun.  It died right before it was put away and the boys were pretty determined to crank start it back up again. (It has been  pulled by a tractor to start before.)

My New House!

So I wanted my house all painted and updated and decorated before I posted any pictures. (All of you home owners out there are laughing at that comment I am sure.)  I have quickly learned that this is just not possible, or at least with an older home.  And especially one this big (over 2000 square feet! I am use to small apartments!) So slowly and little by little this house will become what I envision it to be, but this is what it is at the moment.

Painting the entry way.  The tan was the original color and was EVERYWHERE

Entry way "after!"

We picked a very bold blue to accent.  I can't wait to do what I am thinking to that wall (it will help tone down the blue too)

Upstairs Living Room

Our bedroom... only painted it gray.  We haven't done anything else to it.  It actually is quite a decent size (picture doesn't really show it... there's a pack n play to the left not even in the picture)

Boys room.  This hasn't really been touched.  The wallpaper on the top kinda stopped us as we didn't know the best way to get it off.

Main level bathroom

Our LOVELY mural in the dining room 

Our LOVELY yellow kitchen (can you hear all of my sarcasm?  It's not BAD, but certainly not my taste.)

Our huge deck.  We are crossing fingers that massive hot tub still works!

Shed and some yard (Our backyard is small since we are on a corner lot.  The biggest part of our yard is on the side.)

Downstairs Bathroom (I think the previous occupants loved yellow...  Just a hunch though.)

Currently the playroom.  Definitely an older style yet again.

The fourth bedroom, which is filled with unpacked boxes :)  Go us!

My pantry under the stairs :)

Laundry room with more storage

Not the prettiest laundry room, but I am grateful just to have my own laundry room!

Downstairs living room.  Another MASSIVE mural with deer!

My food storage room!  It's awesome to have SO much storage! (One of the biggest reasons I loved this house when we first walked through.)

Our 72 hour kits by the back door.

It's definitely not the newest or prettiest (at the moment) but I am excited to make it our own, even though it probably will take longer than we live in the house for.  But hey, every upgrade means we increase the worth of the house!  And that's hard to do with a brand new house.  So in the end it really is worth it. :) (Sometimes I just have to tell myself that when I think how much easier it would have been to just buy a new house instead, already painted and updated.)